Alex, Metallica and Me
I remember, or kind of remember the first time I saw Metallica in ‘84. It was the mid-eighties, a grand time for hard rock and metal music. Van Halen, Ozzy and Iron Maiden were kings and bands like Motley Crue were emerging out of the heap of hair metal bands. When you’re a teenager the music you listen to becomes the soundtrack of your life and plays a definitive role and importance in your life. Some forty years later, watching my teenage kids, I see that reality so clearly.
As I went through life BK (before kids) I flunked out of college, twice, joined the Army and got married. No matter what was going on, music was always a constant. My love of hard rock and metal was along for the ride no matter where I found myself. When times were good, when times were tough or when I was just passing the time, the music was always there.
I saw Metallica in 84’, 87’, and 92’. The sound was magical, powerful and certainly different. Their song structure, intricate rhythm patterns and speed was an auditory undertaking. From the beginning they held nothing back and checked all the boxes regarding great songs, great musicianship and just fucking cool. Their live shows did not disappoint either. You always left a Metallica show feeling satisfied. They never took their fans for granted and always put a great effort in every show.
As the 2000’s approached I had gotten out of the Army went back to college for a third time and was trying to find my way. I was lucky to have a wife and family that was supportive and held me together through that time. Though I listened to music it had become background noise. The noise of life had begun to silence the music. As the years went on, I forgot the joy of just listening to music.
In 2007 and 2009 I lost a close friend and my best friend to “in the line of duty deaths”. I found myself in an abyss. I found that what was salvageable was being slowly swallowed by my alcohol use. I wasn’t just deaf; I was also drowning. The music was all but gone.
I fought myself and anyone that wanted to get in front of me for years. I just couldn’t figure out what the hell I was looking for. Nothing and no one really had the power to shut down this anger inside me. As I poured energy into my job, I found it not satisfying and in fact I began to resent everything about it. and yet despite my successes at work, I found it a lonely, dark alley leading nowhere.
But at the end of 2015 something terrible, frightening and wonderful happened. I was told I needed a triple bypass. Unfucking real. I was not the poster child for a healthy lifestyle but I was certainly was not the triple bypass guy either…or so I thought. So, on December 28, 2015 I had triple bypass. When I woke, I had been reborn, I had been given another chance to live better, be better and treat others better. It was a gift. The music was again audible.
In 2016 Metallica released Hardwired…to Self-Destruct. When I first saw the title, I thought…hmmm…how fitting. Alex noticeably started to take an interest in music, more specifically Metallica. It started with him breaking my Mexican Fender Strat I had bought with some income tax refund money in 94’. I appreciated that he had taken a liking to music and guitars. I began to see me, in him. It was very cool and as it turned out life changing.
Slowly Alex began to reintroduce me to my love of music. He showed me again, the want to learn, to be inquisitive and the freedom of listening. He taught me to listen…no I mean really listen. Not just to the music but to the music in your heart and mind. It was like it was new all over again. I watched him immerse himself in his music. I listened to him progress and evolve. I witnessed him care about something with passion. And to watch your kids attack something with passion is amazing. He showed me more about what I had lost than anyone could have. He gave me back the music that had been missing in my life.
In June of 2017 me an Alex went to see Metallica together for the first time. We got pretty good tickets and were able to watch one of the greatest rock bands of all times. Although this technically wasn’t his first concert it was definitely a first of sorts. It was a stadium; it was sold out and a band he was certainly obsessed with. This equals bucket list, even at his young age. For him it would be the first of many Metallica shows of his life. For me, I was going to Metallica with my son, some thirty years after my first time I saw them. Definitely bucket list for me.
As the show began, I saw the amazement, wonder and excitement in Alex. The overpowering brilliance of lights throughout the stadium, the thunderous sounds of electric guitars, bass guitar and drums. The hard-hitting and uncompromising vocals were too much for Alex’s senses. I saw him shout, sing along and pump his fist in the air. He was in heaven. I also was a little overwhelmed with it all, but for me Alex’s reaction and enthusiasm was more captivating than anything happening on center stage.
Seven years later I sometimes forget the gift I was given. Somehow, I walk right past my gift. Selfish me doesn’t think about how fortunate I am to just be here. Thankfully I get tons of reminders that confront me and bounce around like polaroid pictures in my brain giving me a glimpse of my fortune and most importantly my choices. Fortunately, these days, I am able to see and hear the music still as loud and bright as I did on that December day. I am reminded that I have to grab these fleeting opportunities for joy, happiness and satisfaction when they appear. So, in a way those moments, are the gifts that were given to me back in 2015. And…one of the greatest of these… is… Alex and Metallica. Thanks, Alex, for given me back the gift of music.
As we return from the “Metallica Weekend in Arlington” I am quickly reminded of the awesomeness of music. How it is has formed an unbreakable bond and relationship with my son and best friend. I will always be thankful for those moments spent with Alex talking about the music and experiences we have shared. It has taught me that the time we spent together at the guitar shops and watching Metallica is truly priceless.